I came here based on The Pitch, I really love how much time and effort you've put in, not only to your story but the web-design. It makes me want to stay for a while and take the time to read. I love the opening sentence and am excited to read more.
Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read. Happy to have cultivated a welcome environment 😁 I'm glad you love the opening line! I know the first line is so important and I've often wondered how it lands, so thank you for pointing it out.
Just found this today from the Sword and Saturday post. You had me hooked with the opening! It’s a great line. The relationship between the Knight and Copy Knight is so fun and intriguing and endearing. You make us care about the characters really fast so that the twist is super shocking and effective, but you’ve also set it up well enough that it seems perfectly in character. It absolutely pulled me in and makes me want to keep going (which I will). Also, I’m further intrigued by the second storyline and excited to see how the two will connect. Minor confusions: There were a couple of times when a new character entered a scene with a line of dialogue and, because the pace moves so wonderfully quick, I automatically assumed someone currently in the scene had said it and then had to reread in order to get my mental image accurate before moving on. Ultimately it became clear, but those little moments took me out of the story a bit each time. But overall it’s wonderful writing!
Thank you so much for in depth comments & feedback! I really appreciate it. I agonise over the opening to this day so it's a great encouragement to know it hooked you. And thank you also for pointing out where you were taken out of the story a bit, that's something I'll have to look out for in any future revisions.
👍👏
"I've got to journey to this world,"
The draoidh muttered as he stared into
the orb of viewing.
"But Maighstir, why?" said the young woman dressed in red.
"Because it is rich and vibrant, almost Mathair touched."
Thanks for reading Joseph 😊
I came here based on The Pitch, I really love how much time and effort you've put in, not only to your story but the web-design. It makes me want to stay for a while and take the time to read. I love the opening sentence and am excited to read more.
Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read. Happy to have cultivated a welcome environment 😁 I'm glad you love the opening line! I know the first line is so important and I've often wondered how it lands, so thank you for pointing it out.
Just found this today from the Sword and Saturday post. You had me hooked with the opening! It’s a great line. The relationship between the Knight and Copy Knight is so fun and intriguing and endearing. You make us care about the characters really fast so that the twist is super shocking and effective, but you’ve also set it up well enough that it seems perfectly in character. It absolutely pulled me in and makes me want to keep going (which I will). Also, I’m further intrigued by the second storyline and excited to see how the two will connect. Minor confusions: There were a couple of times when a new character entered a scene with a line of dialogue and, because the pace moves so wonderfully quick, I automatically assumed someone currently in the scene had said it and then had to reread in order to get my mental image accurate before moving on. Ultimately it became clear, but those little moments took me out of the story a bit each time. But overall it’s wonderful writing!
Thank you so much for in depth comments & feedback! I really appreciate it. I agonise over the opening to this day so it's a great encouragement to know it hooked you. And thank you also for pointing out where you were taken out of the story a bit, that's something I'll have to look out for in any future revisions.
you are so great at writing action scenes. i’m jealous!
Thank you! I appreciate it. Tim Hickson had a great video on writing fight scenes which helped in terms of pacing https://youtu.be/jKkKNKUK_GE?si=K_wTrJ7Ur6V4aa2N